Today has been an iffy day. My husbands actions regarding money have just made me a grumbling ogre. Where I had money, now I have money owed. And my grass is growing taller because he blew money he had been told to use for lawn mower gas. A small thing to some, but because it is the proverbial straw, this camel has landed spread eagle. SPLAT.  Im tired of playing this stupid game. This week I become a bitch again. This week I don’t give money to anyone who doesn’t require it. That includes my old man. If I have to jump on that damned bike and ride it to the gas station myself, I wont give him a dime to spit on. I do have to take one bank some money to keep them off my back. After a nice little chat with one of their customer service reps, I discovered that we are not alone in that group of taxpayers who were waiting for their tax stimulus, only to be told, youll get a paper check 2 months from now. At least I did get the consolation letter from the irs about may 23. but I still jumped the gun and we ended up in over our eyeballs.  And I just love getting scolded about my checking account. as if. Needless to say, I opened the account at the new bank and did NOT order checks. Either wait for me to use my card or don’t wait, I don’t give a ****. Cut me off, or wait 2 days. I don’t care anymore!

All this watching devastation on cnn has made me realize that even if I lose power for a day or two, my roof still stands over my head. Grateful, I am.

There is deceit going on in my house, and I cant yet put my finger on it, but I am a sleuth and I will figure it all out.

Nuff said on that.

I found something else today that royally ticked me off. A letter to me from Caitlin, my stepbitchdaughter. Sorry. Well, no im not sorry. Cant stand the child, and id rather be honest. Anyhoo. At some point when she was here over winter break, she wrote me a letter that she wanted me to find after she left, one of those, by the time you read this, me and jt will be back in florida…..blah blah blah. It was minutely amusing, but telling. I already don’t want her damned ass here, now that letter just sealed the deal. I should have known that her mother is behind it all too. After I took her damned children in and acted as their mother, while she ignored them, and I was the one to do all the shit with them, while both their parents acted like spoiled ****ing brats. GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!! I could ramble on and on about how insanely pissed I am. Instead I will simply make my aim clear. They are not welcome here. In fact at this point, none of the kids by his previous marriages are. The older two stole from us. The younger two are being fed bullshit to make them hate me. It was me who got her damn kids back to her, I suppose she forgets. I think ill let him bring them here, and then ill take connie away for a 3 weeks vacation. Id like kent to have to deal with them. I don’t care to ever be left in charge of their asses. Or maybe ill send his ass down to visit them instead. Im not driving to get them, im not driving to take them back, im not squeezing juice out of my budget to make it affordable either. After we forgave this bitch’s 7 grand child support debt! gah!!!!!!!!! How dare she fill her kids heads with hatred for me, when I gave up my freaking having a life to take care of them. Jeezus. We already suspect that Caitlin isn’t kents, maybe I should spend the money to find that out for sure and put a rest to this stupidity.  It is me that knows more about those kids than either of their parents. Its pretty bad when duval county florida calls ME to ask about her damn kids, because she cant tell them anything about JT’s IEP. Id be damned ashamed if I was her, having some complete stranger who knows more about your kid than you and theyre 7 years old. That’s just ****ing SAD.

Oh my. I didn’t mean this to be a rant. Today ive felt all day like no one hears me. Ive said to kent in the recent past that much could be different had he listened to me in the beginning. Yesterday proved it. Today proved it again, when he left me a quarter inch of scorched potatoes in my best frying pan, after getting the pan nearly cherry red on high to cook, after being admonished numerous times not to cook every damn thing over the highest flame. Half the potatoes wasted. Not enough there to feed 2 people as was intended. And then this afternoon, connie wouldn’t listen to me either. Austin isn’t listening to me.

So tonight, I will not talk. Connie will get the clues early on. I wont answer the phone when kent calls. I wont answer his texts. I will not talk to anyone. Why waste my breath.

I guess its my time to be quiet and listen.

Tomorrow morning I will take off to the sand and listen to the waves. Or talk to them, they’ll listen. They always do.