i checked the kids out a little early on this last day of school, and we went to the 'big beach'. virginia beach, as opposed to buckroe beach which fronts the chesapeake bay and is less than a mile from us. va beach is like 40 miles. but we went, and it was fun. im now feeling the sunburn, but thats a good thing. ima be a jamaican by the end of june, nice earned bake, if you will.
the kids arent so timid in the ocean now, its rougher than the bay waves. only rarely do you have rideable waves in the bay, the ocean provided a consistent surfable wave ;)
and there were crabs, and clams, and little naked babies all over the beach. one lady actually had 3 little boys and she stripped them down to smiles to get them cleaned up. im guessing she didnt know there is a free washoff on each parking lot? we had fun. the trip home was maddening, because arbys cant place an order correctly to save themselves. no wonder they dont pay, you dont even have to know how to count there. i ordered 3 sandwiches, i paid for 3 sandwiches, i got two, and they wouldnt give me the third. i also ordered a DIET dr pepper, and i got regular, which got dumped in the parking lot cup and all. id like to see just ONE fast food place get my order right the FIRST time, please!
im not stressin over it too much though. it just ticked me off at the time. i came to a different arbys here in hampton and they got shit right, and even apologized for the va beach store fu*k up. how cool is that.
and now that were home, were all tired. im working, i picked up someones trade and it is D E A D. ive had 7 calls in 45 minutes. im not making any money, but i am helping someone else out, so....
ill write more later, i plan on toasting myself a little bit tonight, since i dont work again til 1am.
ive been messing with this new laptop trying to get it so connie can use it. i bought her an old clamshell ibook. im not sure how old it is, probably 2002. i paid 100 bucks for it at the pawn shop. i figured if i can get her on the net to play games and visit disney online, its worth it.
ok so i got it out of layaway and brought it home and spent an inordinate amount of time trying to figure it out. it is vastly different than windows pc, thats for sure. but nothing major. nothing i cant figure out. some of the layout is maddening when youve used nothing but windows since high school. but i left high school knowing how to program an apple, so im not a complete dummy.
i did enlist doug's help, and he suggested i get all the memory i could in it, and then see about putting the latest operating system on it. so i did. the memory upgrade cost me 125 bucks. not bad, 30 of that was paying someone to put it in, cause im not screwing this up not knowing what im doing. ok then i located the newest OS x software on ebay and after making sure the version was correct based on what the compusa computer guru told me my laptop could handle, i ordered it. total cost tally now up to 260 bucks. i got the software yesterday and put it on the disk. i spent too much time last night playing with it. and still we had the issues with flash not wanting to download the current version, which means connie cant get on any of the sites she likes to visit. they all have games and videos which require flash and shockwave.
welllllllllllllllllll. i sat here this morning and played with it, cleaned it up a bit, figured out how to customize appearances and the like. and i managed to get the newest apple browser, safari to load up for me and VOILA! the sites allowed me to download the current flash and shockwave. YAY!!!!!!!!! i even figured out how to make icons on the desktop(easier than windows too) and how to make safari the default browser. im just so proud of myself. i will make connies day when i tell her that she can now use her laptop to play online. i did get to one basic games site, but she likes to play spongebob and stuff, so she will be very very happy. i still need to locate a new battery for this, as soon as you remove the plug it dies. but thats like 40-50 bucks, so were all good on the cost.
i gave up my hours for today, i am not in the mood to work. i will probably pick up trades later on, when the kids go to bed. i went to examine the cell usage and found that kent made not only the one call to his ex, but a later one from work, for 50 minutes. he has yet to tell me about this. im hoping that he spoke with her about taking her son. i dont care about the child support, 10 bucks a week isnt feeding the ants here, much less her kid. just please take him away from me. i cannot bear looking at him. ive done spell after spell after spell. nothing harmful just that she would see her son needs her, and that kent would see that his son needs more than what is being given to him. the events of yesterday just totally set me off in a way that even i couldnt explain. the second this child impacted my child, just sent me into a firestorm of resentment and anger. long bottled up, and i think it is time for me to let it out. if my husband cant handle it, fine. we will separate. but i cannot take having to deal with a handicapped child when i get nothing but grief. ive felt more resentful than ever, since they accused me of abusing him. im thinking i may need professional help to deal with it.
there is no greater pain than when youve done all you can do, and then some, for a child, whose parents have done nothing, and then have someone claim youve abused the child, simply because he cannot tell them how he got a bruise. he cant even remember what his middle name is for petes sake. for the sake of self preservation, i am going to appear to be the callous bitch that ive been accused of and tell both his parents that they can count me out. as of the moment that she picks him up for summer, i am done. i will no longer be the caretaker for that child, or his sister, who luckily is already in the hands of her mother and now flourishing because of it.
and now i am off to fetch connie from school as today is their last day! my 6 year old baby is on her way to second grade!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
this will be scattered, consider yourselves warned.
first of all, i am AGGRAVATED. beyond aggravatedness, beyond bitchiness. its like everyone has conspired to screw with me or my plans today.
the egg donor is wavering on coming to get her demon seed. im so tired of him. and im trying to keep her from having to stay overnight at my house, so i said i would meet her 2 hours from here, and now kent has turned what would have been a leisurely ride for me and connie and a nice break from a retarded person, into a damned 3 ring circus, and made himself the clown.
i dont want him to ride with me, i know he says he wants to see caitlin and all, but i am weighing whether 4 hours with him in a car with me is worth 5 minutes of watching her act like a 2 year old in the cracker barrel parking lot.
to me, it isnt. on top of him wanting to take off friday to do this with me. that adds to the aggravation, because if he doesnt work friday, then we miss X dollars in pay, and then I'M the one who has to deal with that aggravation of not having enough funds the following week.
when i originally told crusty i would meet her in NC, i figured this would go off flawlessly, kent would be at work, and connie and i could meander around a little before we came home. now, seeing into my own future, i know that i will need to drink severely after driving home, because kent cant drive me or i will kill him. WHY MUST HE PUT HIMSELF IN THE MIDDLE OF MY WORLD, AT THE PARTICULAR MOMENT THAT I DO NOT NEED HIM THERE????????????
i just want to get up friday, wash jt's clothes and pack them up, and then pack him in the truck at the same time kent leaves for work and then go meet her. i want to spend my day ridding myself of a human aggravation. i have anticipated this day since he came back from spring break, a little more than 8 weeks ago. and i love how kent puts it, that i need a break from jt. no i dont need a break. I NEED HIS DAMN PARENTS TO ACT LIKE THEY GIVE A FLYING RATS BUTT AND TAKE CARE OF HIM SO I WONT HAVE TO FREAKING DO IT ANYMORE. im particularly tired of my own child being admonished to watch over jt when he is capable of doing things himself.
i.e. this walking home bit. they walk less than a half a mile from school to home. safe neighborhood, other kids on the walk too. no big deal. these morons make it a huge deal. today they made it a huge deal to ME. today, connie goes to get jt and cant find him where he is supposed to be, so she goes to other rooms where he could be(he is split between mainstream and special ed classrooms) meanwhile, his idiot teacher takes him outside BEFORE he is supposed to be out there and is standing at the corner, waiting for the other kids, and for the crossing guard. im across the street standing there, waiting. i did wonder why i saw j, but not connie. a few minutes later, the group is still gathering to cross at the same time, and i finally see connie come running out of the school, i can tell shes crying. jt's other teacher, stops her and YELLS AT MY CHILD FOR NOT GETTING JT. meanwhile im standing there watching and hearing this and going ballistic. the other damn teacher has j at the corner?!?!?!?! so needless to say, connie runs up and meets everyone and grabs jt by the hand and they cross with everyone else. by the time she gets to me, she is bawling, because the teacher yelled at her, but she had looked everywhere jt might be.
did anyone feel my earthquake? i was so full of rage.
i woke up full of rage and this made me boil even more. once again, MY CHILD is being chastised for something that should not be her damn problem in the first place. once again, they look to her to babysit her OLDER brother. im so sick of this.
the only means to this end i see, is that i will make someone very unhappy.
WHO KNOWS, MAYBE MY HUSBAND WILL GROW A BRAIN AND DECIDE TO READ MY BLOG.
YOUR CHILD NEEDS TO GO LIVE WITH HIS MOTHER, BEFORE : A; I KILL HIM, B; I KILL YOU, C; I DIVORCE YOU, ; OR D; ALL OF THE ABOVE.
IVE HAD ENOUGH. ive really had more than enough. im so tired of being inconvenienced. and thats what the last 5 years have been. i took care of the damn kids so the parents could get their shit together. well, 5 years is plenty of time. now get busy on your children. they freakin need you.
it doesnt help that in the last few months ive been accused of child abuse of this child who ive done more for in the 7 years of his life than both his parents and grandparents COMBINED. it also doesnt help that his father acts like we are nothing more than strange people to be avoided who live in the same house.
and on to the big tall retard. my husband got off work early sunday evening, was home by 730. that was nice, for about a minute. we ate, then we took a ride in the truck, got home, bathed kids and i plopped out on the couch, and where was kent?
on the computer.
he chatted there til midnight. well since i get up at the crack of dawn to get the kids ready, plus i had to work 7-9 this morning, im not staying up all night to wait for him to remember that hes married and that he hasnt spent an evening with his wife in weeks, if not months.
he spent the better part of today online chatting too. ive asked him repeatedly to repot a few plants for me. guess ill take care of that tomorrow after i get the kids out of school. thankfully their last day is tomorrow. but then that means jt from sunup to sundown and everywhere in between.
ive said it before and ill say it again. i am not meant to mother a handicapped child. im not equipped for it, and never will be. and in essence i have 2 handicapped children. kent, and his son.
im so sick of it.
i am going to go to bed now and hopefully not dream of the 2 of them.
i met a fellow pagan today on yahoo, through a group, not a pagan one, but other worldly type stuff; her user name gave her away ;) i approached her and offered to furnish her with some goods for her impending childs birth.
if you cant be with the one you love.....love the one youre with....
so i am going to make her a nice basket of goodies for her baby. anyone have any suggestions on a particularly pagan offering i might make? ive got a pocket goddess to include, and a small bracelet of amethyst im going to put together.
i want so badly to make contact with my daughter, but i will not stir that pot, im afraid my post on myspace/here the other day may have already done more damage than good. if she wants to include me she will.
ive been working on and off today, and it rained the better part of the morning. the sun tried to come out, but the clouds wouldnt allow it. and as ive sat here i am continually distracted by my galileo thermometer changing. these things fascinate me. science has always fascinated me, all aspects of it. im seriously debating talking with the school system here about their bridge to teach program. my degree was not for teaching, but it can certainly put me in the right vein for science. although i hesitate because teachers here are paid so poorly and i absolutely loathe the SOL(standards of learning) tests virginia has deemed the benchmark for passing a grade. so im torn. i dont care to sub here, the violence level in the upper grades makes me wary. but the teachers at connies school are always asking me to consider subbing. im also taken back by the level of ignorance when it comes to the special ed kids too. ugh! im talking myself out of it!
i guess ill just use my talents on connie and her friends all summer LOL
kent has worked all weekend, and i feel like i havent seen him today, where i worked most of the morning. im feeling bogged down. i think ill drag him off to the beach in the morning and make him squirm on the beach. cant get naked there, but im sure a bit of teasing could be had if we dont get carried away.
and all the thoughts that came to me in the shower have dissipated. ugh!
hope everyones enjoying the day. it rained like hell here earlier, but we needed it. i went out and played in it like a little kid, despite the fact that i hate rain. now i know everything will green up and grow like mad, and itll probably be hot and dry like i like it for june and july. beach weather!!!!!
and now some random poetry:
doors open
windows open
minds close.
wind blows
trees sway
minds curse.
gods give
gods take
minds accept
minds deny.
humans claim
egos unjust
knowing fate
is divine.
threefold law
governs mine
theirs comes
due time.
wishes made
spells cast
fate destined
free at last!
and lyrics of the song of the moment:
It's so much better When everyone is in are you in It's so much better When everyone is in are you in Ooooh..............Are you in? It's so much better When everyone is in are you in It's so much easier When seafoam green is in fashion Ooooh..............Are you in? Are you...are you........... Everybody in...........
